Classy in Shelby Township Update

The 35-year-old mother who allowed her 14-year-old daughter to seduce men online and then have sex with them in their family apartment will serve two years on probation and pay a $500 fine under the terms of a sentence handed down yesterday.

Granted, the daughter was the one doing the dirty deed, but at some point, parents bear responsibility for the actions of their children, especially when those actions are getting the children (the daughter, I might remind you, had two miscarriages and is pregnant a third time) or other people in trouble (the two men who impregnated the daughter have been charged with sex offenses of their own). Somehow, I don’t think two years on probation and $500 is a stiff enough penalty to ensure this doesn’t happen again. How about sentencing her to be sterilized? (Wouldn’t hurt to have the daughter fixed, either.)

posted on 25 May 2007 at 1927d'oh, the humanity0 commentstrackback

Respect the Dead

St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock made a terrible choice in the wee hours of April 29th, choosing to get into his SUV and drive after becoming thoroughly intoxicated. He could have easily hired a cab — or limo — to take him wherever he wished to go, but Hancock insisted upon driving himself drunkenly down the highway, where he crashed into the back of a tow truck that was assisting a stalled car on I-64. His blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit, he was not wearing a seatbelt, he was speeding, and he was talking on his cell phone at the time of the crash.

Hancock’s father, the executor of his estate, was not content to let his son’s violent and unnecessary death be a lesson to the world. Rather than channeling his grief for a cause — say, speaking out against the dangers of drunk driving — Dean Hancock has chosen to file suit in some perverted hope of spreading the burden of responsibility to others.

The owner and manager of the restaurant where Josh Hancock imbibed before his fatal drive, the tow truck company, the tow truck driver, and most incredibly, the driver of the stalled car have all been named as defendants in Dean Hancock’s lawsuit, which alleges negligence on the part of the restaurant that served him drinks, negligence on the part of the tow truck driver in parking his vehicle behind the stalled car, and negligence on the part of the driver (!) for “allowing the vehicle to reach the point where it stalled on the highway, and for failing to move it out of the way of oncoming traffic”. The elder Hancock said in a statement that he has “an obligation to represent the family on all issues, ‘including any legal actions necessary against those who contributed to the untimely and unnecessary death.’”

Dean, I’m terribly sorry that your son is dead. You’re going to have to endure that for the rest of your life. I do not believe any parent should ever have to bury a child, and it’s tragic that you’ve had to suffer through this. Bearing that in mind:

Dean Hancock, you are a pathetic excuse for a father and for a man. Sack up and admit to yourself that your son made a terrible and fatal choice, and that no one held a gun to his head and said, “Drink this alcohol.” No one held a gun to his head and said, “Drive this car.” If your son hadn’t been blitzed out of his mind, perhaps he would have noticed the disabled vehicle and the tow truck behind it with its flashing lights. Perhaps he would have worn a seatbelt. Your son — not the restaurant owner, not the restaurant manager, not the tow truck driver, and certainly not the driver of the disabled vehicle — made those choices. Now you have to live with them. No one asked you to be happy about it, but your attempt to shift responsibility for this terrible tragedy is misguided, morally wrong, and utterly reprehensible. You owe an apology to all the defendants, and you should drop your lawsuit immediately before a judge laughs you out of court.

posted on 24 May 2007 at 1613sports0 commentstrackback

Irony Still Alive and Well

The Supreme Court ruled a number of years ago that prayer in public schools was unconstitutional, so it’s no surprise — and I would fully agree with the decision, were it not for one minor detail — that Comstock Park High School officials have removed a sung version of The Lord’s Prayer from the graduation ceremony.

The minor detail? Comstock Park High School is holding its graduation ceremony in a church.

posted on 23 May 2007 at 2357general0 commentstrackback

Classy in Romulus Update

Nicholas Alley, the man who helped the cops track down the lady who offered her seven-year-old daughter for pornographic photos and sex is now being arraigned on charges of “using a computer to arrange sexual meetings with minors”. Police found two computers, child pornography, and a taser in his home and say that Alley may face additional charges.

Can we throw them both in the Detroit River wearing concrete shoes, please?

posted on 23 May 2007 at 1510d'oh, the humanity0 commentstrackback

Mom of the Year

Kudos to Veronica Griffin of Grand Rapids, MI, whose 15-year-old son, Travis, was suspended from school for 10 days for putting a teacher in a headlock. Mrs. Griffin had no intention of allowing Travis to enjoy his 10-day forced vacation, so she put him to work picking up trash along the side of the road, wearing a sign reading “I made a bad choice in school. Now I’m living with it.”

The world needs more parents like that.

posted on 18 May 2007 at 2321general0 commentstrackback

Dumbass of the Day

The enterprising, 18-year-old Damion Mosher gets today’s award after shooting himself in the gut while crushing live ammunition with a hammer (!) to salvage the scrap brass, which he intended to sell to the local metal recycler for $1.70 per pound. How many pounds of spent shell casings does it take to pay for an ER visit to remove a .223 round from one’s abdomen? I only ask because Mr. Mosher might benefit from this information.

Red FormanRed Forman Dumbass Rating: Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass)

(via Dave Barry)

posted on 17 May 2007 at 0039humour0 commentstrackback

Classy in Tampa

A 26-year-old mother is in jail after encouraging her nine-year-old daughter (yes, that means she had a child at the ripe old ready-to-take-parental-responsibility age of 15) to get back on the school bus and fight another student. Way to go, Shayla. Let’s hope your daughter doesn’t follow your example.

posted on 10 May 2007 at 1050d'oh, the humanity0 commentstrackback

Irony Not Dead, Just Blinded by Log in Eye

Irony says, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” Indeed, irony is alive and well in the world, this time in the form of Congress’s massive hypocrisy: the Iraqi Parliament is considering taking a two-month break over the summer, and US lawmakers are absolutely livid over the possibility.

Never mind that these are the same US lawmakers who were in session for only 97 days in calendar year 2006. Someone needs to point out the whole “practise what you preach” thing to our government, and fast, because they’re not doing anything to ease America’s reputation as the world’s pariah. As a very wise man once said, remove the log from your own eye before trying to remove the speck from your brother’s.

posted on 03 May 2007 at 0920politix1 commentstrackback