I’ve been doing some upgrading lately.
For my best friend’s parents’ toilets.
Shaddup. It’s money.
Anyway, I’ve been replacing the fill valves with this amazing little thing by Plumb Shop. It’s basically silent when refilling the tank, and it completely eliminated water hammer on one of our toilets and reduced it to a soft “thunk” on another. Amazing little device. I’m totally sold on them.
Well, to get to the point of the story, when you install these things, you tend to have some hardware left over, especially if you upgrade the supply lines to the valve with braided stainless steel at the same time. Now, those of you somewhat familiar with toilet hardware will remember the old name for the fill valve, which is quite possibly the funniest name for any piece of hardware ever, including the “ball-peen hammer:”
BALLCOCK.
Uh-huh-huh. Huh…uh…huh-huh. He thaid “ball-cock.” Uh…Huh-huh.
Yeah! Yeah! Ballcock! Heh-heh, yeah! Ballcock!
Oh no. It gets better. Remember I said I had hardware left over? That little fill valve comes with a fastener that attaches the supply line to the threaded nipple (Heh-heh! Nipple!) on the valve. This is called…are you ready for it?
The “ballcock nut.”
Yeah! Heh-heh! Ballcock nuts!
Dude, uh, like, thettle down, Beavith. Uh…huh-huh…you thaid “ballcock nuth.” Huh-huh…nuth…for ballcocth…uh-huh-huh!
I’m totally putting these spare parts in a little baggie and hitting people with it. Then I can tell them they just got “sacked” by my “ballcock nuts.”
I wonder how many ballcock nuts this $5000 French Merovingian throne needs?
*groan*
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