Blizza Blizza

I didn’t read the message, but I really hope they’re talking about all the spare Hammonds and Wurlitzers sitting in a moldy corner of my basement. I need my heart, lungs, liver, etcetera. OK, I could probably do without one of my kidneys, and I’ve never really understood the point of a spleen.

So thanks for the reminder, Mr. Spammer. I hereby open a one-week bidding period for my spleen and appendix, with a minimum bid of $10,000 plus medical expenses for each organ.

Put your bid in the comments. Payment will be accepted via PayPal, Western Union money order, or gold bars. If you have a spare heart you’re not using, I might be convinced to work out a trade, but only if the heart came from someone under the age of 40 who was within five percent of ideal body weight and exercised regularly. First-born children will not be accepted as a form of payment, unless they happen to be attractive females between the ages of 18 and 30, in which case, let’s talk. Buyer is responsible for all transportation expenses, including one of those fancy little beer coolers full of dry ice for packing around the spleen. Unless of course you just want it in a jar of formaldehyde, in which case you need to provide your own formaldehyde. And your own jar.