Starting late thanks to football.
2109: “The movie event of the season, coming up next!” You know, besides Vampire Bats
2111: All those Parisians partying. Man, this is going to make them long for the peace and quiet of poor Muslims rioting.
2113: Xena seems to be mysteriously absent. Xena would know just what to do here.
2114: Key Quote: “I think you all had better come see this.”
2115: Key Quote #2: “We’re out of time.”
2116: Federal Protective Services is Not Taking This Lying Down. They have Cancelled Vacations!
2118: Key Quote #3: “FEMA is stretched to its limit.” You’re tellin’ us.
2119: Captain Obvious Alert. “What are you going to do about the weather?” “Predict it.”
2122: Don’t worry. More Research is Being Undertaken!
2124: She has a Japanese kitty-cat tattooed on her butt. This is a Key Piece of Information.
2125: Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker … I mean James Brolin and Swoozie Kurtz are God’s Messengers. And God Needs Your Money.
2136: Really Overused Cliché and Bad Pun Alert! His report was just the Tip of the Iceberg!
2138: Russell Casse needs a hacksaw. Someone get the man his hacksaw! Oh, and an airplane and some booze, so he can go kill the aliens who are causing all this crazy weather.
2140: Russell Casse got his airplane. Unfortunately, it seems to be a Westwind I with the same Canadian tail number as a destroyed Vans RV-4 kitplane. (The registration number has apparently since been reassigned.) Methinks he’d be happier with that F-18 he had in Independence Day.
2144: Vocabulary word of the day: “toad-soaker”. Hopefully not related to “cork-soaker”.
2147: Those terrorist bastards! Now they’re using frogs! (Not to be confused with soaked toads.)
2149: Actual line from this movie: “Does anybody speak Arabic?” “Yeah. Durka durka.”
2150: Two full commercial breaks with absolutely no titillation whatsoever. Can we at least get an IPEX commercial or something?
2155: Tammy Faye’s assistant, or son, or something, has discovered the Plague of Frogs. And he has Seen the End of Days, and he is Repentant. God says he wants you to shave your pr0nstache, for starters.
2158: They’re modifying an SR-71! (For those of you not familiar with the aircraft, it was prone to in-flight breakups when subjected to loads of greater than about 1.4 Gs. Punching out at Mach 3 is not most people’s idea of fun, though it’s survivable. Penetrating severe weather in an aircraft with such a narrow operating envelope is an absolutely brilliant idea. By which I mean “if anyone can make this work, it’s Viper and Delko”.)
2206: Viper and Delko are going to find the heart of this sucker. In a plane approximately 1/3 as durable as a Cessna 172. And Random Trailer Guy just stole Russell Casse’s truck. Oh noes! How are he and Brenda are going to survive this hurricane-sized tornado is beyond me.
2217: Tammy Faye and Jim are going to make a fortune off this. And God saw that it was good, and He rejoiced. And Tammy Faye’s son hasn’t shaved the pr0nstache. God is Not Pleased.
2221: “GNN” has the worst hurricane reporters ever. As any Florida resident can tell you, 150 MPH gusts barely warrant the consideration of evacuation. Dan Rather can report from 150 MPH gusts with both hands tied behind his back. Now 200 MPH, well, that’s a little more serious. Don’t these screenwriters know anything? GOSH!
2229: Holy Multiple Sub-plots, Batman! My head hurts from trying to think about and follow them all right now.
2231: This is a Brand New Ballpark! With Four Lightning Arrestors and its own Weather Station! God wants me to speak His message!
2234: God didn’t want him to speak His message. Tammy Faye is in shock.
2243: Pr0nstache Guy is behind it all. He’s manipulating the weather to cause all this hysteria. I hate to spoil the ending, I really do.
2252: The sky Really Is Falling!
2301: Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Who are these masked gunmen, and what’s the point of this 153d plot twist/sub-plot?
2307: To Be Continued. But not on this blog. Holy crap, this is too bad to watch any more. Humanity is going to survive, and Creepy Pr0nstache Guy is going to be exposed as the man behind the curtain. So now you don’t have to watch tomorrow either!
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)