Dumbass of the Day

I couldn’t decide which one was worst, so as they say, “We report, you decide.”

Our first candidate is a 25-year-old man who trapped himself inside his pickup truck after losing control, hitting a fire hydrant, bouncing off a parked car, and then impacting a garage. The truck ended up on its side, and the man — who was not wearing a seatbelt, and was drunk — was taken to the hospital for treatment.

Red FormanRed Forman Dumbass Rating: Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass) Eric (Dumbass)

Candidates number two through four are the three adults who thought it would be a good idea to take a two-year-old girl with them canoeing. The canoe, which was likely top-heavy and overloaded, capsized in Jordan Lake. This would ordinarily not be any big deal — haven’t we all intentionally tipped a canoe over at summer camp? — except for the following minor details:

  • None of the four occupants could swim.
  • None of the four occupants was wearing a life jacket.

Someone should bring up the two surviving adults on charges of child endangerment.

Red FormanRed Forman Dumbass Rating: Bob (Dumbass) Bob (Dumbass) Bob (Dumbass) Bob (Dumbass) Bob (Dumbass)

Finally, we have numbers five through 17. A student at a Battle Creek middle school brought several ounces of mercury to school and managed to break the container. Key quote from the article:

[S]ome of the students and school employees in the room walked in the mercury, while others touched the substance.


Ten students and two employees were decontaminated as a precaution. Some of them had the mercury on their legs, while others had it on their arms.

Uhmmmmmm…what part of “DO NOT TOUCH HAPPY FUN LIQUID” did these kids’ parents not teach them when they dropped a mercury-filled thermometer at the age of six? And for adults to think touching mercury is a good idea? Absolutely inexcusable.

Red FormanRed Forman Dumbass Rating: Hyde (Dumbass) Hyde (Dumbass) Hyde (Dumbass) Hyde (Dumbass)

posted by Chris on 10 May 2005 at 2007 in humour


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