Tonight’s episode comes to you courtesy of the Centre For Reporting on Research Into the Blindingly Obvious(tm).
A report released yesterday by the Kaiser Family Foundation found a positive correlation between teenagers’ alcohol consumption and…
Are you ready for this?
Can I get a drum roll, please?
Say it ain’t so.
On a related note, the report apparently used data from three - count ‘em, three - federally funded surveys. The gub’mint needs my tax dollars to figure out that drunk teenagers are going to screw on prom night? Gimme a freakin’ break.
Next on the agenda: a study to determine whether alcohol consumption leads to drunkenness. Preliminary speculation is divided.
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