"What Are ‘They?’"

I was eating lunch today whilst watching CNN Headline News in the basement of the Michigan League, and saw the funniest thing. A brief segment was describing the so-called “inner circle” of Saddam Hussein, which apparently consists of three of Saddam’s relatives (two sons and a cousing) and some other guy.

The other guy was referred to by the commentator as “the gatekeeper.” As soon as I heard that, the following immediately popped into my head:

“…[T]hey are the gatekeepers, Neo. They are guarding all the doors; they are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.”


“I won’t lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground - everyone - who has fought an agent has died. But where they have failed, you will succeed.”


“I’ve seen an agent punch through a concrete wall; men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.”

“What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?”

“No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.”

Which was then followed by a mental image of Keanu Reeves in a black leather walking into Saddam’s palace in Baghdad and being asked to “please remove any metal items” he might be carrying by a security guard, and proceeding to shoot up the entire place with about six different pairs of automatic weapons.

Uh-huh. Send Keanu in to do our dirty work. None of this war business. We’ve got Neo.

posted by Chris on 18 March 2003 at 1900 in entertainment

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