Blizza Blizza

I went to the bank Friday afternoon to deposit a check. My bank happens to be in a grocery store. As I pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car, I noticed a crowd of store employees huddled over and around something on the sidewalk.

As I got closer, I realised they were sitting on someone. One of the guys was holding about 10 styrofoam meat trays full of steak, and three more were sitting on a guy who was struggling to get away. Two more guys each had one of the thief’s legs.

Now, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. It’s hilarious that anyone would think he could escape on foot with 15 pounds of fresh steak tucked in his pants, but it’s sad that someone would feel the need to steal food in order to eat.

Based on my conversations with various store employees, I suspect the man was not, in fact, homeless or hungry, but rather stealing because he could get away with it.

The really pathetic part of the whole incident is that nearly every store employee other than active cashiers immediately ran outside to see wht the commotion was all about, so I’m thinking this guy should have had a partner. Simple, really: steal a few things as a giant (and extremely effective) diversion, while your partner walks right out of the store calmly pushing a cart full of free groceries. Even the tellers at the bank ran out to investigate when I mentioned what had happened outside.

For trying to escape a store with 15 pounds of fresh steak shoved down his pants, the perp gets the following award:

Red Forman Dumbass Rating: